Asking the right questions - a rant, and a recommendation

I went into a Christian bookstore today. I know the people there (have actually worked there part-time in the past), they're nice, it's a good place, it's a useful resource. I wanted to look for a devotional.

(Side-rant: my GOODNESS some of the devotionals out there on the market are ... ick. "Tender moments for a woman's heart" sort of titles, in pastel pink, probably with pictures of roses on them (I don't mean to criticise any particular book, but the trend in general). This fetishised "femininity" sort of thing. The men's ones didn't appear to be any better. It just all feels so ... packaged. I ended up buying a student devotional, despite not currently being a student (although I hope to be again in october - interview for part-time master's coming up soon :) ) which is just as packaged but because it's trying to be all 'real' and 'engaging' as it's aimed at students, it feels a little more real. And engaging.)

I haven't been in there (the bookstore, in case you lost your sense of location in that side rant) for a while, so I browsed a bit. I was wandering around the aisles looking at these titles and something inside me was just shaking its head (okay, I have a metaphorical head inside me, that's a bit creepy) and saying "No. Just no. You're asking the wrong questions."

See, one of the things that being trained as a mathematician teaches you to do*, is to ask the right questions. Before you look for an answer, you ask yourself things like: does this question actually make sense - is it meaningful? Does this question have an answer? (if not, you should probably give up now.) Does it have only one answer? Do I have enough information to have a hope of answering the question? ... can I answer the question?

And similarly, when someone makes a claim, you think: can that be true? Do they have enough information to have worked that out? What assumptions are they making? What conditions have to hold for that to work? So is it true at all? Is it true in general, or only in special cases?

(*Okay, if you're an applied mathematician you might not ask as many of these questions. But you get the idea.)

And man ... so many books' claims fall down. 28 days to a deeper relationship with God? How do you know that'll work? (hey, I suppose if it doesn't, it's probably my fault, so as well as your book not working for me I get to feel guilty?) Promises of things that will still my heart? Well, hang on, how do you know my heart needs stilling anyway? Maybe I'm too lethargic already and could use some shaking up. Besides which, even if that's what I did need, you can't possibly know that your book will work for me.

My God shall provide all my needs. But he has a pretty different idea of need than the blurb on your book does.

Oh - and the protectionism. Those books ... they make me laugh before they make me cringe and sigh. You know the ones. The 'this book tells you how to protect your precious child / spouse from the evils of a world FILLED WITH TEMPTATIONS LIKE NEVER BEFORE'. (Cue spiel on internet porn which is probably 5 years out of date. I love this xkcd - parents, teach your kids about sex. But first, teach them about popup blockers. Basics, people.)

Newsflash: the world has always been filled with temptations. And frankly, as humans, we're pretty good at thinking some temptations up if they're not there ready and waiting for us. And these books are generally really good at promoting the whole 'them and us' idea of the world. As if our family, our church, is perfect and safe and not tricky (so long as you follow the recommended program, at least!) and doesn't contain moral ambiguity and tricky bits. I thought 'them and us' was one of the things that Jesus came to break down. Mostly he seems to have done it by hanging out with them, and leaving us to our closed off ways if that's how we want to be (although the good news is we can tag along and do what he does).

Just ... when did the Christian life become an exercise in self-help? (We can even self-help it being an exercise in self-help - try my 3 week programme to complete dependence on God!)

God isn't in your 12-step programs. God isn't in your Bible reading plans. God may by His grace show up when people read your books and pray your guided prayers and that's awesome, but ... God isn't in your schedules and charts and devotionals.

God is here. With the chavs and the snobs and the employed and the unemployed and the people who've got it all pretty much sorted and the people who've got none of it sorted and with me and with the people I meet and with you and with the people you meet and with the people that you and I will never meet.

God loved the world like this: he came. And hung out with us in our stinking humanity and said 'Guys. Come do life with me. Here's how I do it.' and then he lived with us and he showed us and loved us and hung out with us even though 'we' were 'them' and we didn't get it but eventually ... we started to get it. And he told us stories about people like us, and he told us stories about God. And we started to get it a little bit more.

And I think I've worked out that that's what I'm looking to read. Stories about people like me, and stories about God. And I don't mean 'people like me' to mean 'people who have mobile phones and drive cars and have the internet' - that's where a lot of devotional stuff feels to me like it falls down, because it seems to say 'this applies to you because you have a phone / have a computer / drive a car' - but that's not who I am!

By people like me I mean people who are complicated and interesting. Who have a set of beliefs that changes and develops (side note: I used to be much more towards the evangelical fundamentalist side of things - mostly I claim indoctrination, maybe not conscious, but by exposure to only one point of view and that one in many ways naive. I am now the sort of person my 13-year-old self would have suspected of being a bleeding-heart liberal, and the sort of person who she had been told didn't /really/ believe because they didn't believe in a 6-day creation and a young earth. Plus, I now drink and swear (both quite occasionally, and both quite deliberately) which I suspect my parents might find pretty tricky (sorry Mum, if you're reading this ...). That's okay. I've made peace with that. My 13 year old self had a lot of things sorted, but she also had a lot to learn).

Where was I ... people like me - people like me aren't in boxes. They're mathematicians who like to do art, and don't like to program. They're committed to the church and cringe over the church. They want to love people but they aren't brave enough but they're starting. They've heard stories about how God uses people who feel they have nothing to give and feel ever so slightly left out - because they know they have stuff to give.

And they're starting to work out that this whole doing life thing is - at least partly - about asking the right questions. Like, here's one for you.

Did Jesus like people?

I don't want a 'Oh well, Jesus loved people, it says so, so I think he must've liked them'. I loved my sister growing up, doesn't mean I liked her (sorry darlin'. I like you now.) Straight-up question: did (does) Jesus like people?

I think so. I think there's some pretty solid evidence for that. Like, he hung out with people a whole lot. And he ate with them and chatted with them and told them stories. And people liked him, which is a pretty good indicator. I think that sounds like someone who likes people.

Do Christians like people? Sure, some of them do. And some of them - like the ones who seem to foam at the mouth at the idea that their daughter might want to date someone (rather than the guy jumping through 10 hoops her Dad lays out before he gets to talk to her) - well, they give a pretty strong impression of not liking people.

Or people who live in segregated communities, like the Amish (I watched 'Amish: World's squarest teenagers' recently, in which a group of 5 Amish teens spend 4 weeks in the UK and get to know some British teens and both sides are really tolerant and amazing and learn a lot (great program) recently) - um. I admire such people in some ways. But I feel like they're asking the wrong questions ... I think the question they should be asking is 'Did Jesus come just for us? Or did he come for other people too?'

So. Back to the bookstore. I picked up my student devotional. I also ended up buying another 4 books, spending about £50 in total (you can tell I was paid earlier in the week ... hey, this'll give me train reading for the next few weeks!). Since I'd just been walking around lamenting the lack of books that I felt got it (I should probably add somewhere - so I'll add it here - that I was wandering around the bestsellers and prayer racks - I'm sure the biographies and doctrinal books and study guides aren't anywhere near as self-help-y), when I found 4 books that really did get it and did ask the right questions, I wanted to nab them. This is the recommendation bit.

I bought 'Wired for God: the biology of spiritual experience' by Charles Foster, because I previously bought 'The Selfless Gene' (which was about evolution and Christianity) and I found that really good. And I love the way he writes. Plus, of course there's biology in spiritual experience. Fasting, for example, does funny things to you. It's supposed to. Foster - so far as I can tell - really does examine the science properly, and looks honestly at where the science bits fit in and where the faith bits fit in and how it all works. That's what I like about him.

I also bought Sex God by Rob Bell. Because I haven't read it, and I have read Velvet Elvis (although I think I've lost it ...) and Jesus Wants to Save Christians and both of those were awesome and this one looks awesome too. Chapter One is entitled 'God wears lipstick', and the epilogue 'More balloons, please'. I like it already. When I read Rob Bell, I feel like there's something in me going Yes. Yes. You get it. You're not distracted by all this other stuff, like whether I spend 2 hours or 3 hours a week in church meetings, you're talking about God. And I'm listening. And I probably don't agree with everything you say but you're cool with that. Yes.

The other two books I bought were by Donald Miller. I've never read any Donald Miller, but Glennon recommends him incredibly highly and from flicking I can see why. The titles are 'Blue like Jazz' and 'Searching for God knows what' and Blue like Jazz is subtitled 'nonreligious thoughts on christian spirituality'. I started flicking and I felt the same as when I read Rob Bell - you get it. I get it. We're telling stories about God, because that's how we start to see bits of him. And we're telling stories about us, because that's how we work out how to relate to him.

So I guess I should wrap this up. I've said almost all I wanted to say, plus I can smell chicken curry cooking which is pretty motivating.

I think ... I think a lot of the whole faith journey thing is about asking the right questions. And what the right questions are changes with where you are, because they have to be the right questions for you, right now. And I think a lot of life is about starting to get it. It's like ... I dunno. Some sort of function, which is definitely not linear, which probably has 3 axes - one of them is time (how far I am through life), one of them is how much I get it, and one of them is how much I think I get it (which is not the same thing at all). And 'it' is God and Christianity and faith and loving God and loving people and doing what I believe and believing in what I do.

Yeah.

Tiiiiired ...

I keep thinking that work is less tiring than it really is. But I'm learning at a rate of knots (I now sort of know what grounded theory is! It's like making it all up as you go along, but on purpose!) and that's knackering ... and I'm travelling (3 hours door to door) and packing a lot and that's pretty knackering too.

But I'm home now. I have a bit more work to do tomorrow, which I wanted to do at home because I can use Word 2007 (it's designing questionnaires), and then I'm done for the week. Hurrah!

I think I might disappear and make cake now.

(Payday tomorrow. YES!)

Fortunately / unfortunately

Fortunately, my MIL's best friend visited at the weekend and brought us blackberries from her garden.
Unfortunately, our oven is broken :( we're waiting for a replacement heating element, so I can't make more delicious cake.

(Fortunately, the element has been dispatched. Moar cake soon!)

Fortunately, I have a job :)
Unfortunately, I have no money ... (or rather, my remaining money = the amount I need to get the train to work and back next week).
(Fortunately, the end of the month is not too far away ...)

Fortunately, all this stuff (papers / articles / books) I'm reading about gifted children and maths for work is pretty interesting.
Unfortunately, there's about 9" of it.
Fortunately, I speed-read.
Unfortunately, there's still 9" of it.
(I think I'm now about 5.5" through, though. Of which all but 1" has been read entirely (read relevant selections from that 1"))

Fortunately, it's my birthday soon!
Unfortunately, I have no particular exciting plans for it :( and Chris is working on the day.
(But I'm sure it will be nice.)

Overall, life is pretty good. I'm cooking this week :) which is fun. Made a sausage casserole with dumplings yesterday, got to go and work on a sweet and sour stir fry with pork now. Adios!

Blackberry Crumble Cake (pics!)

How to make a blackberry crumble cake.

1) Notice The Pioneer Woman's blueberry crumb cake recipe, because you follow her on Facebook.
2) Go to visit your parents and sister.
3) Go out for a walk. Notice that there are bushes and bushes full of blackberries:

4) Discover that, luckily, your mother has a bag with her that you can use for collecting them:

5) Pick lots of berries.

6) Admire the other plants, too, not just the blackberries:

7) Get home, rinse them off, be amazed at how many you picked:

8) Amass ingredients. Allow pinching of a berry or two ... it's not like they're in short supply ...

9) Make cake!

10) Start making the crumb topping ... accidentally misread the amount of butter. (Americans. Seriously. Measuring butter in 'sticks')

Try to sort of 'crumble' it anyway. (This doesn't work)

Into the oven it goes ...

11) ... and out it comes. And we sample it :)

NOM!

12) Accept the adulation of all who eat it.

It was a good day.

I'm back :)

Had a fabulous time with family over the weekend. It was cool to be together again - the 4 of us. And the first time I've visited Mum and Dad's since I helped them move in a year ago - so loads of changes! Really, really good to see them all. And Hazel and I sang a lot ... I'd forgotten how much I like singing. We like a lot of the same music so it helps.

Also: Mum and Hazel and I went blackberrying (well, we went out for a walk but it turned into blackberrying - luckily Mum had a suitable bag with her), and then I made an AMAZING blackberry crumble cake. It was the pioneer woman's blueberry crumble cake (I now follow the pioneer woman on facebook. This is a wonderful thing.), only with blackberries. And it was GORGEOUS.

So. Photos of that to follow. Probably on Thursday, because tomorrow Chris and I are going out to a water park thing to play in the pool and go down slides and stuff. Because slides are IMPORTANT. Yeah :D. Head on over to the other blog for a couple of posts if you haven't read them yet - and some nice photos of tea :) - and I'll be back as soon as I can.

(Since getting back from the parents' I've also been to work and back - 3 hour commute each way - and done a solid 10 hours' work whilst there (in 2 bits, Mon afternoon and this morning). Everything's going pretty smoothly so far, although I'm still finding it tiring, partly because things are still new and I'm learning a lot all the time and partly because I'm still getting used to the commute thing. But I'm enjoying it, and it's getting easier to handle)

Going visiting!

I'm going to visit my parents and sister today :) staying with them for a couple of days. Hurrah! Very much looking forward to it. I will try to blog from there with pics of what we're doing (although my laptop's SD card reader has decided not to register SD cards any more :( which is sad).

I'm hoping we can convince my parents that we want to have Steamboat ... see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hot_pot
(seems really odd to me to call it hot pot but I guess that's because I associate that with Lancashire Hotpot. Which is very very different.

New blog now has 5 posts on it, all is going smoothly :). So far, at least! I need to get into a rhythm of posting on both places ... I think that will get easier from here on in. Now that I've done 3 weeks at my new job, I'm starting to settle into that a little bit more, rather than just coming home and wanting to sleep for hours and hours to give my brain time to digest new things.

And to finish ... the Portal song (Still Alive), in American Sign Language! I think this is pretty cool ... do pop it out to watch it, this size doesn't do it justice.

Bah, humbug

The new blog is up ... and wordpress is down (I've tried accessing other blogs hosted on there, and www.wordpress.com, and not been able to get to them). Apologies to anyone trying to get to it.

Updated at 2:04: working again! Huzzah.